The Night Before
What should I do the night before my first chemo treatment?
The night before your first chemo treatment can feel heavy because you're bracing for something you haven't experienced yet. Focus on three things: let yourself feel what's there, pack what you need, and remember that tomorrow's only job is to walk in and walk back out.
The Unknown Is The Loudest Part
A million what-ifs are probably racing through your head right now.
Will I have everything I need? How am I going to feel? Is this the right decision? What is tomorrow actually going to be like?
You're bracing yourself for the unknown, and honestly, the unknown can be the hardest part.
For both of us, starting treatment felt like a decision to run into the fire. Not because we weren't scared. We were. But because there wasn't another option, either of us was willing to take.
Blythe had watched Kesley get through it, so she trusted the process. And we both chose to show up every single day.
Let Yourself Feel It
For Kesley, the night before treatment, she cried.
She cried for the life she once knew. That life was forever changed the day she was diagnosed.
She cried for her hair. For her body. For her people, whose lives were also altered. For the fear of what would happen next.
All of it was valid.
You're allowed to feel whatever is actually there. The fear, the grief, the let's get this over with energy, the moments where you feel strangely numb or oddly okay, and then immediately guilty for feeling okay.
CQ Advice
None of it is wrong. You don't have to have it together tonight. And between you and us, this is NOT a normal night.
Do The Practical Things
Pack your bag.
Having something practical to do can help when your mind is spiraling. Know what you're bringing. Know where you're going. Know who's going with you.
Get as much rest as you can. And if you can't sleep, that's okay too. Don't make yourself feel worse for being awake the night before something big.
You don't have to handle this perfectly.
What to pack
Water bottle. Headphones. A blanket you love. Easy snacks. Lip balm. Phone charger. Something that makes the chair feel less clinical. Check out our full chemo bag guide for everything we actually brought.
Read the chemo bag guide
Tomorrow Has One Assignment
The first one is usually the hardest because you don't know what you're walking into yet.
By the second treatment, you'll have a better idea of what to expect from your body. By the third, you may start to find a rhythm.
The unknown is the hardest part. And after tomorrow, it won't be unknown anymore.
You're going to walk in.
And you're going to walk out.
That's the whole assignment for tomorrow.
Give Yourself Something To Look Toward
Think about what you want to do when this chapter is behind you.
Who do you want to be? What do you want to come back to? What have you been putting off? What still belongs to you?
You don't have to have the full answer tonight.
From Kesley + Blythe
Just let there be something beyond tomorrow, and remember this is just a chapter.
